Bite the bullet in the name of friendship
by xjustmexnooneimportantx
Summary: It could happen to anyone, really, there is nothing weird about two enemies falling for eachother. But Jade West certainly isnt like the others, you could never know the real reasons behind her behavior. And it takes a lot of hard time to finally see HER. Life cannot be easy.
1. Chapter 1

I dont remember how i end up like this, drunk with Jade in the bathroom, i just wanted to wash my face with some cold water because seriously it was too hot out here with all those people dancing, drinking and smoking God knows what. Im happy with myself that i succesfully rejected few propositions of smoking, four drinks and im already all giggly. I was checking myself in the mirror and reaplying my make-up because of all this dancing stuff my face was sweaty and my eyelinear started to fade. I didnt even heard the door open and closing a moment later but when i moved my gaze from my reflection in the mirror i saw Jade leaning against the wall with her famous smirk on lips. She looked drunk, her face was flushed and her hair was messy, if i didnt know better i could say that she just had sex, but Beck is in Canada and she is deffinetly not a person for one night stand when your boyfriend is out of reach. Trust me on that one. I arched my eyebrow at her but she just smiled and titled her head to the side looking at me intently. Arms crossed over her chest and i found myself completly unable to look away.

Jade is a beautiful person, breathtaking even, im a girl and i dont have to be gay to see that, im sure 99,9% of population would agree with me, its just something about her that leaves you speechless. Maybe its from fear that she will insult you for any reason and will make you feel dumb and embarassed, cause its not hard task to start rambling in her presence. She had this speel even on me and im pretty confident, but just talking with her seems imposible, she is that kind of person who is not really interested in other people lives, so why talking with her? Its not like you can impress her. It was simple for me at the beggining, talking to my friends, including Jade of course 'cause she is my friend, but never really talking WITH her. But i always tried and never gave up on her, on our "friendship" beacause i knew she was worth it. I dont know why, seriously, sometimes after one of our fights i just thought "thats it, its over, im tired of trying to be her friend" but it took one stupid smile from her few days later to completly change my mind again. Sounds stupid, i know, but in that moment i felt somehow special that Jade West of all people wasted 10 seconds of her precious time to smile at me. It didnt happen often, usualy she was her ganky self, finding every possible way to insult me, my talent or lack of it. Always making sure that i know she is not my friend. But i know better, if she really dont want me as her friend she wouldnt waste her time on me, even if its just to say something mean. And this little rare occasions when she actully is nice to me confirms it all. Its enough for me, i learned how to be friends with her, dont expect to much, enjoy every second when her attention is on you, and always make sure that she knows that she can count on you. Because Jade isnt like any other friend, you cant define her, put her under labels, you have to learn being diffrent from the rest to get her attention, and when you succed you know that all this crap she is throwing your way its worth it.

- Well, Vega...are you counting on seduce someone with that make-up?

I was imeddiately pulled out of my thoughts by her flirtly voice, i cleared my throat and re-focus on me reflection in the mirror. Sometimes i wonder how she can make people feel that uncomfortable just by one stupid question. Maybe because she knows that she doesnt need make-up or anything really to seduce someone. And im not telling this because i find her extremly attractive as a girl, i just know. I already met a few people who have or had a crush on Jade. And i dont blame them, im sure if i was a boy a would try to make a move on her. But im 100% a girl and she is my friend.

- Nah, actually i think im going to leave and i dont want my parents to see me like this...with makeup all over my face.

I told her trying to sound nonchalant about this, even if it was a little lie. She doesnt have to know that maybe i tried to seduce someone. Or at least look good for all the boys at this party. Not that i found someone attractive enough to gain my attention.. Yes im very particular at this point. Unfortunatelly.

I saw Jade smirk grows, she was giving me this "what a good daddy girl" look, you know that one when she thinks you are little child scared of your parents.

- I knew this party wasn't for you.. but im proud anyway, you stayed full three hours and drank...how much? two beers?

She chuckled and shaked her head searching for my gaze in the mirror, i saw this challenging look on her face before, like she dared me to say something back only to find a way to humiliate me in one of our typical "conversations". When our gazes met she arched her pierced eybrow at me, smirk in place, arms crossed. Long time ago when i barely talk with Jade i knew one thing for sure, that you need some sort of superheroes powers to not get lost in her eyes. It was easier before because when she made eyecontact with me it was only to say something mean and in those moments her eyes screamed hatered, but now when we are on some kind of "friendship" level its getting harder and harder. Its propably because theres not much ocassions when you can see Jade happy, truly happy, not that kind of happines when she succed in making Sinjin pee his pants. And in those moments when she is laughing, smiling or even trying to insult you but with a hint of playfulness in her voice, and you lock eyes with her, you know that it's the most unique and magnificent sight right in front of you. And you could stay like that forever because you know that wont happen again anytime soon. That's why i find myself once again completly lost and unable to say anything considered as inteligent. I dont know how she is turning me in this brainless mess but im sure alcohol in my blood is responsible for this as well.

-um...I cleared my throat and looked down at eyeliner still in my hand. Its just Jade, why im nervous. I laughed at myself, i shouldnt drink, alcohol makes me act out of place. I shaked my head and once again met Jade gaze in the mirror. This time confident smile on my lips.

-if i knew this party would be such a disaster i wouldnt leave my room until Monday. And im sure as hell i drunk at least 4 beers. I wasnt counting.. who does that anymore? Its not like im going to party to count how many drinks i had. I didnt think it was important, but if you want next time i can hire you to do that for me.

For a moment i thought that i crossed the line a little bit because i could see the anger rising on her face but it vanished as soon as it apperd and was replaced by rather amused smile.

-Wow.. Vega i didnt think you could be more smart-ass then you are everyday, but i guess i was wrong. You always want to have the last word, funny really, maybe you should try become a politician or something like that, leave singing and acting for someone better, im sure theres plenty of people who actually have some sort of a talent.

I really shouldnt feel ofended by this but i am, i know she just said that to piss me of, she already told me before that my singing isnt that bad, which i think in Jades vocabulary means, my singing is pretty good, she just wont tell me this straight in the face. Anyway it still hurts a little everytime she says im talentless.

I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, shaking my head as i turned around. Another thing i learned by being "friends" with Jade, if you want to piss her of, ignore her remarks, smile and be happy even if inside you feel hurt. And this is exactly what im going to do. I put a smile on my face, still not looking at Jade, and in a replay for her attempt to start another fight i just started throwing my things back in my bag. I could feel all the time Jade eyes on me. It was intense, i dont know if she even blinked when i walk past her to the door with my bag over my shoulder. But when i reached the doorknob and was about to leave i felt cold fingers wrap around my wrist.

-Where are you going?

I sighed, still not looking at her, her fingers around my wrist. This feeling so familiar that i started to think if she ever did that to Beck. You know instead of holding hands, holding wrist. I laughed at myself again, she propably reserved this for me. When she wanted something that was her way to gain my attention, not that she didnt have it anyway. Problem is that she cant just ask like normal people would do, she had to be herself. Thats why she started dragging me to the janitors closet everytime she needed my help, or needed anything in particular. When i asked her one time why she couldnt ask me by my locker she just shrugged and said that she doesnt want people to see her talking with me like we were friends. Sounds terrible but after she saw my hurt exspression she rolled her eyes and hugged me briefly before she left. And then it was enough for me to forget about this little pain she caused few second before, because it was soon replaced by goofy smile on my face and i knew she just had to say that but she doesnt really meant it. Jade can make even stupid thing like hugs something worthwile when it comes to her. And when you are on the receiving end you just cant stop feeling special. I used to questioning her relationship with Beck, it always amazed me how he can put up with her all the time. For me it was insane, not that i wanted Beck for myself, he never was in my type, too perfect i could say. I was only wondering why he keeps giving her another chance when the truth was, he could have almost every girl from Hollywood Arts. But i was stupid and blind because i didnt understand why she just cant lilke me back. Why she doesnt want my friendship. I thought that seriously something was wrong with her. Now when i think about it i know how childlish it was, you cant just make people like you, this is not how it works, so i opened my eyes for Jade, you know like really opened my eyes and i tried to see her, real Jade, not the one that refuses to be my friend, i get to know her, it wasnt easy, i still think sometimes that i dont know her at all. It takes time to realize that all these imperfections, all these mean words, hatefull glares and cold behaviour is just part of one incredibly talented, beautiful and special person, and when you really look at Jade West, you can see it all. And i no longer doubt why Beck loves her.

- Im going home, i told you before. This party is not really getting any better and im tired...

- You are tired? You didnt seem tired few seconds ago when you were all smart-ass with me.

I felt her hold tightening, she started to tug at my wrist and i didnt have any other option then to turn around and look at her. I rollled my eyes again, my head starting to ache and i really want to go home now. I dont have the strenght for having this conversation for another five minutes.

- Look Jade, i dont know what do you want from me but i just want to go home, seriously im tired, and when in any other day i would love to have this coversation with you, right now its not the time. So could you please let me go?

I actually sound a little pathethic, but i couldnt care less, i dont know how much longer i could stay in this bathroom with Jade being well, Jade and with my increasing headache. It was really stupid to think that she will listen. She smirked and looked me in the eye, i could see the mischevious glint in those big eyes of hers.

- I dont think im tired enough to end this night, and you are little bit more entartaining then the rest of loosers outside.. so my answer is no.

- Why?

- Why what?

She seems conflicted for a second, but her hold still firmly on my wrist. Im sure its gonna leave a mark.

- Why you just cant let me go home? I know its your number one on your favourite things to do list, torturing me and all but im sure my presence here is uselles when i dont even have the strenght to fight back.

She dropped her gaze to her hand still cluthing at my wrist, her bottom lip trapped in her teeth. She looked like she didnt know what to say and trust me, it was odd cause Jade always know what to say. It didnt last long though, im sure i noticed only because i was looking at her, she composed herself quickly, meeting my gaze one more time with trademark smirk in place. But it wasnt quite convincing.

- You are right, you are useless anyway, i wont waste my time on you any longer.. as i thought your personality is nowhere near the definition of fun.

And with that she dropped my wrist, move past me and was out of the bathroom. First thought that came to my mind was "what just happend?" In one moment she thinks im good enough to entartain her and she is all Jade like with her smirk and all, and five minutes later she leaves me here like it was my idea to even talk to her. Not to mention that she came here by herself, she didint even knocked like she knew i was here.


	2. Authors Note

A/N: Hi, im kind of new here and to be honest i uploaded first chapter of the story for about 15 minutes 'cause seriously i dont know how this page works. To top it all English is not really my strong side. Im from Europe, thats why i have to warn you before you read anything at all. Im sure there will be plenty of mistakes, grammar mistakes in particular etc. but i just wanted to write something and post it here. Just you know to try and see, maybe to learn how to write correctly :P Besides i was reading Jori fanfictions for so long and i always wanted to write one. I dont know if i would write diffrent stories. Whats the point in writing if no one can understand? :D Im open for all suggestions and remarks. Feel free to leave your opinion, but remember that im still learning how to use this beautiful English language ;]

Of course I do not own Victorious or any character in this story. It's just my imagination.

I will try to post frequently but i have a lot of work so you know, we'll see. Im still trying to figure out all this "rating" stuff etc. so im not sure if i did everything right in settings section but whatever, next time is going to be easier.

For now that's all, hope you will like it :D


	3. Chapter 2

A/U: hi, i just finished second chapter, i hope it's not completly terrible, i tried to make it interesting but really it is just beginning. I have a plan for future chapters but right now its more like "building the plot" if you know what i mean :p

once again sorry for all mistakes, im trying ;)

And i do not own Victorious.

When i woke up the next day i knew its going to be bad. I had headache and the fact that Trina started her morning routine with trying to sing "I will always love you" on top of her lungs, wasnt helping at all. I know i should be suportive of my sister and her choices about her life, but lets be honest, she would be so much better at fighting with people with her hands than actually trying to beat them by "singing" on stage. But she will get that someday..i hope.

I looked over at my desk searching for my phone, when i picked it up i noticed it was almost 7a.m i have one hour before school starts. I should propably start getting ready, you never know when Trina decides that she wants to leave and im really not in the mood for walking to school. When i was about to lock myself in the bathroom my phone started ringing, on the screen "Unknown number". I arched one brow at the sight, its not like i have to pick it up but my curiosity won. I sighed and clicked the green button, knowing that there is a possibility that i will regreat it later.

- Hello?

- I will be outside your house for about ten minutes. You better be ready cause i wont wait.

- Um, Jade?

Okay...That is weird. Not only because Jade is calling me at 7 in the morning, not because she is calling me at all from unknown number, like she doesnt want me to have this opportinity to call her back anytime i would feel like it. Maybe that's why she changed her number at least 5 times in this year. And its only June. But she should know by now that i'd rather write her simple message then try to call her, 'cause i know she wont pick it up anyway. I was so lost in my thoughts that i almost forget about the part when she said something about waiting for me which is ten times weirder.

- Are you listening?

I could hear the irritation in her voice, Im sure she rolled her eyes a few times already. But what was she saying? Im such a mess in the mornings, it seems im even bigger mess talking with Jade on the phone. I dont understand why my brain always refuses to work with me in situations like this. In one moment i can easily lost the ability to talk. I pinched the bridge of my nose, focus Tori, focus. I know it's early and im not familiar with hearing Jades voice on the other side, but its just riddiculus to act this way.

- Sorry, i just woke up, not really a morning person.. what were you saying?

- Vega..

She sighed, propably rolled her eyes as well, i saw her doing it a thousand times, so its easy to imagine.

- You are such a pain in the ass that seriously i dont know why i even bother, but you left your wallet yesterday at the party. And unfortunatelly for me i was the only one who knows you at this point to give it back. So you better be ready in ten minutes, unless you want me to throw it away. You know i could do that anyway.

Yup, such a lovely person. Always happy to help. I sighed, at least she's not pretending anything, she is always honest, and even if her words hurts sometimes, i cant help but smile a little. Why? Dont ask me. The truth is, she could throw my wallet earlier and no one would know, its not like someone would ask her if she gave it back. But instead of doing the most appropiate action for Jade West, she called me. Once again even if just for a moment i can think that she actually cares about me. Not to mention the fact that she will be outside my house for about 8 minutes to give it back. Oh shit! 8 minutes!

- No! Wait! I mean...im getting ready, just.. you know i wasn't prepared for leaving earlier..

- I don't care, actually you are giving me headache, so stop rambling. You have 6minutes.

*click*

I didnt even waste time to procced this situation, immediatelly i was in my bathroom washing my face and brushing my hair, all the time trying to put on my skinny jeans. Im sure i gained some weight 'cause seriously it was never this hard before. I could use some make-up to hide the bugs under my eyes but i would rather have my shirt on before i leave, and as you may know i actually have 2 minutes left to be outside. I just grabbed my phone and my bag and ran downstairs, almost falling twice on the stairs. Mom was preparing breakfest in the kitchen for me and Trina, but i just waved my hand in her direction and was out of the house just in time to see Jade parking her car. I sighed in relief, its never a good way to start your day by making Jade angry. But as i can see from the scowl on her face she is already pretty mad. I took a deep breath and approached her car in an attempt to sit on the passanger seat.

- What are you doing?

Her eyes narrowed and tone harsh, i tried to hold her gaze but failed. What is her problem this time? I opened my mouth to say something but what i was supposed to say? I just thought she'd be my ride for school.

- I told you that im going to give you your stupid wallet back,i dont remember saying anything about you inside of my car.

Her tone still hard and cold but her face looks blank, like she didnt want to say that. Almost like on autopilot. When you are doing something but your brain is completly turned off. Maybe she is tired just as much as me, she looks exhausted, im sure she didnt come home early yestarday. After our little conversation in the bathroom i left, but before i found my ride home i heard Jade's scream somewhere near the bar. And it seemed that someone spilled beer on her black dress. I forgot to mention that she looked absolutelly stunning, you know as a girl it's easy to notice when someone looks good. And Jade definitely looks good all the time. But i dont think it's something i should have on my mind right now. Seriously i dont get it, sometimes im just..i am not myself and when i start thinking about anything Jade related, i just can't stop. I decided to drop it for now and focus on current situation, im almost sure that something is bothering her.

- Yeah, right..

I shaked my head and cleared my throat to steal some time.

- Sorry for being naive i almost forget that its you after all.. Just give me my wallet please and you are free to go.

I looked at her and for a second i thought i saw hurt flashed across her face and immediately i regret saying anything. I mean it wasnt even a lie 'cause really i should know that getting a ride from Jade is almost like winning Grammy 2 times in a row. Not to mention that she has one milion rules about sitting in her car. Even Beck is not allowed sometimes when she is not in the mood. And she is not even sorry for him. So why am i feeling like crap for saying this? Its not like i really insulted her and Jade never cared about what people thinks about her, especially me. It's always her favourite task to make sure that people knows, what exactly she thinks about them. And in 99% you dont want to know.

She looked like she wanted to say something, her jaw clenching, eyes never living mine, she even opened her mouth at one point, and i dropped my gaze to her lips, maybe it'd help me quess what is on her mind. But nothing came out. Silence. I shift my feet nervously. Air heavy around us, i have no idea when it became awkward. It's stupid but i could almost swear that she wanted to deny my words. Maybe even she was sorry? And we all know that Jade West doesn't feel sorry for anyone and for anything she makes you let's not forget how amazing actress she is. She can hide every single emotion from her face, like i said before you have to really look at her to see those moments when her walls are down.

- You are ungrateful, you know that?

Her lips are moving and i have to say, its another part of her body that can get you completly in awe just by looking. It has to be something incredibly thrilling kissing her without fear of loosing any part of your body. 'Cause she is out of reach and if you as much as try to touch her, you will probably end up with some permanent injures. But it doesn't make it any less desireable. Not that i'd like...i'm just saying, you know, clear curiosity..i heard Beck one time, when he was talking with Andre about Jade's kissing skills, and trust me, it's not at all weird that Andre had a crush on her. I think it's in peoples nature to want something you cannot have. And it seems that no one can have Jade, apart from Beck of course.

-Oow! Is it..is it my wallet?! Why did you throw it at me?! It hurts...

I just got slapped by my flying wallet, right in the face, yeah thanks to Jade. Or thanks to myself for being once again completly out of my mind with my thoughts.

-Are you freaking kidding me, Vega?! Did you take something yesterday? Cause seriously you are way more screwed up then Cat and Robbie mixed together! Maybe you left your brain somewhere between your room and Trina's!

Ouch..it hurts little more then being hit by a wallet. All the time when i have this hope that Jade is trying to be at least little nicer for me, she comes back to her ganky-self with doubled force.

-What did i do to you?

I asked massaging my left cheek. Im sure it looks like big, red tomato. I think it's the price for acting like a retard and staring like some kind of freak, like Sinjin! O my gosh, what's wrong with me?

-What did you do? Oh where i should start? Maybe from the day you were born!

I opened my mouth to say something but i was interputted by the sound of Trina's heels on our driveway. She is coming closer in our direction.

-What's going on here? I can't watch tv because of your yelling, tone it down a little. Not whole Hollywood must know about your hatered for Tori okay? I get it, really sometimes people just don't like eachoter, sometimes very beautiful girl like me is single, and what? You can't do anything about it, boys are blind. And if simple conversation for you two is too much, then don't talk at all. How simple is that hm?

I see Jade rolls her eyes and when i'm about to tell Trina, that its not her business, she simply turns and walks away. Two secondes later i hear our front door closes with loud thud. Trina, everybody. I roll my eyes as well and again turn around to see Jade looking at her nails with bored expression on her face. How she can do that? Change from being angry to being bored in less than 15 seconds. I sigh.

- Thanks for bringing my wallet, you didn't have to, I am..

- Hell i didn't have to. I won't make this mistake ever again.

Her gaze all the time on her nails, yeah don't bother that you just interputted me.

- I was going to say, i AM grateful, okay? Lets just drop it.. there won't be "next time" for situation like this.

My voice determined, i'm really tired of fighting with her. Maybe Trina is right at some point, maybe i should just stop talking to Jade , ignore her for a couple of days. It won't be easy cause you know Jade is Jade, and we are friends who stick together in our little group, i dont want it to be awkward at lunch. But i can definitely restrain my attempts to show her that i'm her friend after all. Maybe she will need me before i will need her.

I looked at her with this resolution stuck in my brain. She doesn't look like she would need anyone, but maybe, just maybe she will notice difference in my behaviour and she won't be happy with that. Yeah, naive thoughts. But why is she still here? She seems lost in thoughts just like i am. Not even looking my way, its weird, our "friendship" became tense, like we don't know how to act towards eachoter anymore. And i completly have no idea why. I cleared my throat gaining her attention, our eyes meets and she looks so out of it that seriously i know something big is bothering her, but it can't be another fight with Beck, she never acts this way. She shakes her head and puts her hands on the steering-wheel.

-Whatever, not that I care. Just don't get in my way and i'll be happy like before.

And with that she started her car and was out of my driveway before i could even blink.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/U: Next chapter is up, i wanted to make it a little longer but decided to cut it earlier.**

**Chapter 4 should be up next sunday, but i'm not sure. We'll see ;)**

**I hope its getting more interesting, like i said i have plan, now i need time to write it down :p**

**Thanks for the reviews, it means a lot that you're wasting your time on me. :]**

**And Victorious clearly isn't mine.**

-Trina, we have to go, it's almost 7:40, i don't want to be late.

I said as i walked back to our house, my sister who unfortunatelly for me is my ride to school was sprawled on the couch, watching tv and eating pikles. I closed the door behind me and moved in her direction. No response. I sighed, is she really my sister?

-Trinaaaaaaa...get up. School starts in 20minutes!

-Go away.

She waved her hand dismissevly in my direction, trying to look past me, 'cause i blocked her vision of TV.

-What do you mean "go away"?! Trina!

I threw my hands in the air, is she serious?!

-I'm not going. First period cancelled, Mrs. Steven is sick. Jessie just called me. So move your ass and let me watch!

-What?!

She can't be serious! If she's not going for first period, it means that she won't be my ride! And that means i have to walk! Why didn't she tell me before.. i have 18minutes. I'm not gonna make it, I'll be late. I hate being late!

- Oh my gosh, don't be a baby, it's about time for you little sis to pass your driving license test.

I rollled my eyes, it's not my fault that i failed last time. All because of one old lady and her little dog. She should have caught him before I...I DIDN'T SEE HIM OKAY? It's enough drama for one attempt to pass. And now even my sister is against me.

-Trina pleaseeeee, drive me to school..

I whined, maybe it'll work. I'm desperated, usually i wouldn't be bothering her, you know the less time with Trina, the better for your mood. But right now i really need this ride.

-Nu-uh Tori, i already wasted too much time for you, and it doesn't make any good for my beauty. Another hour of rest should help. And you better go if you don't wan't to be late.

Milion thoughts about Trina's "beauty" crossed my mind but i decided against speaking them out loud. I'm gonna only waste my precious time. If I only could call Andre and ask him for a ride, but he's propabbly on his way to school right now. Why Jade couldn't take me with her? Is it really such a terrible thing to do? It's only about 7minutes to get from here to Hollywood Arts, i wouldn't even talk to her as to not piss her of. She wouldn't see a diffrence.

I sighed, throwing Trina one last look before leaving and cursing her in my mind. I really should have my own car, or at least some kind of motorcycle. Then I wouldn't have a problem anymore and my life would be easier.

I took my phone from my bag to check the time. 7:50, great, 10minutes left and i'm not even in the half-way. I'll definitely be late. I'll have to lie to the teacher about the reason why i'm late 'cause "my sister didn't want to drive me and my so-called "friend" refused either" is not gonna work. And i'd rather avoid embarassing myself in front of all the students in the classroom. Maybe i should just skip first period, hide in the janitor's closet, study for the rest of the classes, maybe no one will notice my absence. But then again, what im gonna tell when someone asks? When our math teacher spots me in the hallway, and asks where i'v been, when im supossed to be on his lesson? Gosh, why i'm such a coward when it comes to skipping, it's not a big deal, Jade does it all the time, and i don't think she has a problem with that. Yeah, but also she doesn't have a problem with being completly mean towards anyone who simply looks her way. Sometimes I wish I was more like her, you know, don't care what people opinions are about you, don't care if you're late to class or not, because after all the worst you can get is a detention. Don't think about all the consequences, just living your life. I wish i could live like that for at least one day, speaking my mind without second thoughts, without faked smiles and cheery voice. But here i am, always happy, trying to stop anything that could possibly wash my smile from my face, even when i don't feel like smiling. When life became this way? Shouldn't I be more honest with myself? Maybe it's time to finally be the real Tori Vega, not the one who always please everyone around, scared of her true thoughts and opinions. Skipping first period should be a good start to change.

I smiled a little, maybe it's good after all that i was forced to walk to school, i had time to think without Trina's irritating voice rambling about something i wasn't even paying attention to. Yup, definitely this morning turned out to be a little more useful, than I thought. I smiled again, a real smile this time plasterd on my face. I was about to walk across the street, only few feets before i'd see the parking lot of Hollywood Arts, with my thoughts i was already on the other side of the street, but i wasn't paying enough attention to notice something i should've notice earlier, in less than 4 seconds few things happened, first i heard somene screaming my name in rather panicked tone of voice, second when i turned my head in the direction of the person, i saw two bright lights far too close for my liking, my breath hitched in my throat and then it was too late to do anything, there's no words to describe the pain i felt when the car met with my body, I doubt there was a part of me that didn't hurt, and then everything went black.

HOURS LATER

_It's too bright, what the.._I tried to cover my eyes with my hand, but as soon as i lifted my arm i felt incredible pain shot right through me. I winced. What happened to me? The pain is almost unbearable, I can't even open my eyes, I can't speak, my throat dry, every muscle in my body is burning, it's too much, breathing becomes harder with every second that passes, and then it's only blackness that surrounds me.

-When will she wake up?

-We don't know that madam.

-But she will, right?

-We hope so.

-LET ME SEE HER! I HAVE TO SEE IF SHE'S ALIVE!

-Calm down! You can't go inside right now, if you want to see your friend, you have to wait. I know you're worried but i won't respect your behaviour. So please, come back when you are calm enough, I don't want to call the security because of you.

-She's _not_ my...okay.

-—-

- Do you think she hears us?

- I don't know Andre...but i hope so.

- Did you talk with her parents?

- Yeah...but they don't talk much.. the doctor said that we have to wait, they can't do anything else right now.. even when her state is stable, and the worst is gone, we have to wait..

-—-

- Tori... I'm so, so sorry.

-—-—-

I don't know how long I've been in this state between consciousness and unconsciousnees, i don't know how many conversations took place around me, i really have no idea why i'm even here in the first place. But i don't want,to be here anymore.

I want to come back to my friends, to my family, i'd give everything i have right now to just open my eyes and see Trina's annoying face. Everything.

The pain is little less unbearable than before, breathing is still hard but i'll manage. I'm sure my ribs are broken. I'm curious what else.

I don't make anymore attempts to move, It causes only more pain. All i can do is breathe and wait for the pain to go away, or at least to subside a little. At some points i can hear muffled sounds coming from somewhere around me, but i can't place what is it. Who is it. I'm exhausted so i fall asleep.

The next time when I'm "awake", i can hear someone sobbing right by my bed, but it doesn't last long, I really want to tell the person that i'm okay, that there's no reason to cry, but i can't. And after a few seconds i'm left alone.

It frustrates me to no end, I hate not being able to simply open my eyes, or to move my leg, or my pinky finger. Where's Cat? She would have laugh at that one. I swear to God, if I ever again get the opportunity to make pinky promise with Cat, i'll be the happiest person on earth. Much to Jade's annoyance. _Jade. _Yeah, she is propabbly the happiest person on earth right now. I can feel the pain moves little higher then my ribs are. My eyes burns but not because of physical pain. One single tear rolls down my cheek, at least i'm alive.

Most of the time i try to remember what exactly happened, how long i'm here, but i don't know the answers. I have to do something, anything to let my parents know that i'm alright. But _am _I?

I'm not sure, but I think someone's holding my hand, their soft fingers uncertainly tracing patterns on my palm. I like this feeling, finally i feel something beyond pain, i don't know if my smile is visible but i'm smiling. I'm scared of the pain that comes with every attempt to move, but i can't just lay here forever, small steps, nothing big, maybe just little twitch of my fingers.

I hear someone's breath hitch and the warmth that surrounded my hand is gone. Am I imagining things? I swear someone was here a few seconds ago and was holding my hand. I hear the door being open, and then i hear whispers, they're getting closer and louder, i try to focus on what they're saying.

-What do you mean, she was moving?

Is it Andre's hushed voice? O my gosh, I missed that sound so much.

-She told me, that Tori gripped her hand!

-Are you sure, Cat?

-Yes!

Cat is here? Little Red! If i could only hug her right now! Okay Tori, breathe, try to open your eyes, common, it can't be that hard!

-Maybe we should wait and call her parents first? They left only because we promissed that we will call if anything happens.

-I know, i know, but let's just check! One minute doesn't make a diffrence!

Cat's voice happy like always, i'm sure she is bouncing on her heels with exciment written all over her face. She's such a sweetheart. I can't let her down.

I hear them approaching my bed, scent of Cat's candy perfume fills the air. Once again I'm smiling, but this time, They notice.

-Tori!


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hi, I wanted to post this earlier but i really didn't have much time in the past week. So that's why it took me a whole two weeks to finish. But this chaper is hopefully a little longer :)**  
**ScottyBgood I hope you will find answers to your questions when you read the next chapter :D and thanks once again for your reviews.**  
**TOran i put dialouges in quotation marks, like you asked. :)**

**I do not own Victorious.**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It took all my strength to slowly open my eyes, and when i did i couldn't see anything except bright light and two shady figures standing above me. My eyes fluttered close once again, it's harder than i thought.  
"O MY GOSH TORI! TORI! YOU ARE AWAKE!"  
I heard Cat happily clapping her hands. I opened my mouth, maybe i'd say something, but my throat is dry, it feels like million little needles is inside my mouth. It hurts like hell.  
"Cat, go call her parents okay? And tell the doctor that she's awake. I'll be here. Can you do that? " Andre asked with his casual calm voice.  
"Kay, kay!"  
Cat left the room with happy squeals and Andre took the chair from the corner of the room, and sat beside my bed.  
"Tori? How are you feelin'? Can you say something?"  
I tried my best ,really, but the only sounds that could be heard in the room, was Andre's breathing and my attempts to talk, which was very similar to dog's growling. Yeah. But at least this time when i opened my eyes i could see Andre's smiling face. I smiled right back at him.  
"Here, maybe water will help with your throat."  
Andre gave me a glass of cold water and at first i had a little problems with holding it in my hand, but after a few minutes i took a small sip, yeah, so much better. I didn't stop drinking until the glass was empty. When i ended, the door to my room opened and young, blond doctor walked in, with clipboard in her hands. Kind smile on face. She approached my bed looking at me intently.  
"Hello, I'm doctor Grande, nice of you to finally join us."  
If i could i'd probably laugh at that, but my throat is not ready yet, for such a challenge. I settled on a weak "Yeah" and a little nod with my head.  
"I don't know if your friend here, told you anything that happened, and how much you remember, but i'm sure you want to fill every blank gap in your memory."  
She looked at Andre for a second, as in question if he told me anything, but he just shook his head. I tried to sit but as you may imagine, i ended up wincing in pain.  
"I wouldn't do that if i was you."  
I looked at Doctor Grande, she titled her head to the right side, warm, reassuring smile on her lips. I blushed a little, one hour ago i was still a pile of limbs on the hospital bed. It's not too smart, to start moving this fast. I still prefer not to talk, but i had to ask..  
"Wwhat..happened?"  
"You were reported 5 days ago, as a victim of a car accident, you were hit by a car, near your high school. Two students witnessed that you were walking across the street, not really paying attention, They screamed when they saw the car, but you didn't react in time. You practically walked under that car."  
O my gosh...i should die right now, and right here, from shame. How could i be so stupid? Not looking where i was going. I sighed, there's really nothing i could probably say to defend myself. It was my fault, completely my fault.  
"Although, the driver was speeding way over limit, and the power of the impact was much stronger in this circumstances. That's why you ended up with strong concussion, 8 stitches on your head, a broken rib and a few scratches and bruises in different areas of your body."  
8 STICHES! I guess i pretty much smashed my head on the sidewalk. And at least I know the reason why even breathing is painful. I'm lucky that only one rib is broken, it could be worst.  
"You are really lucky, as a doctor i know what i'm saying. Usually this kind of accidents finish without happy-ending."  
I don't even want to know, what could possibly happen, if i wasn't one of the lucky ones. 5 days of being unconscious, doesn't seem so terrible after all. And there's really no one i could blame. It's my own fault, not Trina's, not Jade's, not even the driver's.  
"Now, tell me how are you feeling?"  
Andre refilled my glass of water so i drunk little more to wet my mouth and throat.  
"I'm fine, i mean it could be worst, right? Except the pain, everything's okay. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this situation, but i will."  
I smiled at her to let her know that the worst is gone. She scribbled something on her clipboard.  
"You'll stay here for a few more days, we have to make sure everything's okay, when we decide to let you home. We have to take a couple of test and x-rays of your ribs, to see if t's healing properly. Your injures are still pretty fresh, so we don't have any other options."  
I groaned in response. I don't want to stay here any longer, i want to go back to school, to my own bed. I've wasted five days,of my life! I know that maybe i'm not 100% capable of handling myself right now, but with little help of my parents and eventually with a pair of clutches, i could go back to my house today! I sighed, great, just great. Instead of hanging out with my friends and enjoying all kinds of assignments for school, i have to lie on uncomfortable bed, in big white room, doing exactly nothing.  
"Is it really necessary?" I asked with hopeful eyes.  
"I'm sorry, i know that hospital's bed's and rooms, are not places you'd like to be, but as i said before, we have to make sure there won't be any complications, when you go home. You were really in a bad condition, we don't want to risk anything, right?" Doctor Grande asked me with raised eyebrow and seriousness in her voice. I know she's right, she is a doctor after all, and i'm just stupid for thinking, that after five days of being in some sort of a coma, they would let me go home, one hour after i open my eyes. I can barely move, breathing is painful, i just could facepalm myself for even asking is it necessary. Of course it is.  
"Tori" Andre's warm hand grabbed mine. I met his friendly gaze. "It's just a few more days, you will rest, you need that." He smiled reassuringly at me, squeezing gently my hand. I know, i'm just overreacting. I guess my brain still isn't working how it should. The fact that i'm still under the affection of strong painkillers, makes me feel a little dizzy, and i also don't think straight.  
"I know...it's just that i don't like being here..alone..with all those bandages, and needles, and beeping machines" I sighed closing my eyes for a second. Andre gave my hand another gentle squeeze.  
"Hey..you won't be here alone...we all will visit you everyday, after school and in our free time. It's just a few days. You won't even notice when it'll pass". Yeah, I'd like to believe in that. I know it's not the end of the world, just a couple of days in the hospital, nothing terribly awful, but it sure does feel like it. It feels like i'm here far too long, longer then five days, and i just miss all those simple things that were making my life enjoyable. Everything's just seems forgotten, like im stuck in place, and everything i can do about it has to wait i don't even know how long. But in my current state i'm sure even one of Sikowitz's acting exercises, would be hard to accomplish. However, i'd give almost everything right now to be able to eat one of those famous burritos from Grub Truck. I don't remember when was the last time when i ate something.. something which wasn't similar to water. Or when was the last time when i went shopping with Cat, or went to the movies with Andre like we usually do when a new movie comes out, or when we wrote a song together? When was the last time i went to Nozu? Because the green tea they are serving is delicious, even when it does not look like it. And i remember when someone told me once that the green tea looks exactly like water looks like after you dump inside your dirty boots, but i just laughed in their face. Who would even compare their dirty boots to the green tea, but whatever, not that it could change my mind. I actually found that funny back then. Yeah..I had a lot of fun on that particular evening, for me it was one of the best times i've ever spend at Nozu. Was there a special occasion? Nah, probably i just went there with the gang after school.. No, wait..Something seems off.. My eyes widen in realization when it hit me. Jade. The last time I went to Nozu was with Jade..all because of Sikowitz's not that stupid play.. Yeah, now i remember everything. And i sure as hell was enjoying myself. After that night I thought my relationship with Jade will go in the right direction, but i guess it only became more complicated, and i don't know why though. It seems like i really don't know much when it comes to Jade and her behaviour. It's like she can't let herself be happy when she's not around Beck..and it's jut ridiculous. Sometimes when we hang out together and Beck can't make it, Jade comes alone. And she acts like she doesn't really want to be with us, so I spent a lot of my time thinking why she just didn't stay home. It'd be easier for all of us. She wouldn't have a reason to complain, and we would hang out in peace without Jade's rude comments. Simple as that, but Jade is far from being simple. She is complicated and hard to read. She is unpredictable, and when you think that you know exactly what her next move will be , you catch yourself being completely wrong. She suprises me every time, she is like never ending story, always taking turns in a direction where you don't expect her at all. And it fascinates me, even when i know it shouldn't because nothing good ever came from it. I think every normal person would just give up on trying to befriend Jade, because seriously why do you need a friend who always tries to bring you down? Who doesn't listen, who is mean and demanding? But the truth is that Jade is just different, you can't compare her to anyone, just because she doesn't act friendly too often doesn't mean she's not a good friend. She cares, i'm sure of it, she jus doesn't like to show it. She keeps her walls high and only Beck is allowed to see the other side of her, the soft, caring, vulnerable side of Jade West. I always knew it exists and that's the reason why i keep trying so hard, because i want to see the side of her that Beck sees, i want her to trust me, i want her to know that she doesn't have to pretend anything, because i won't use her insecurities against her, i want her to know that no matter what she can always turn to me for help and she doesn't have to feel ashamed, i want her to feel free around me, i just want her to let me in behind those high walls and just let me be her friend. Because friendship is all i want. Is it too much to ask? I don't think so.  
"Tori, Tori!" huh? "Do you here me?" Andre? O MY GOSH, i totally spaced out! AGAIN!  
"sorry, i just..i was thinking and get carried away for a moment" Duh, i completely forgot where i am, why i am here, and that i'm not alone! I must look like a retard right now.  
"Yeah, you spaced out for a few long minutes" Andre let out a nervous chuckle "Are you sure you are okay?" He was watching me with concern written all over his face, i guess i scared him a little. I rubbed my face and smiled at him. He is such a good friend, always cares about me. And now i spaced out on him. I should definitely stop thinking this much about a certain person. It only gets me in an embarrassing and dangerous situations.  
"Andre, i'm fine, seriously i just lost myself in thoughts, you don't have to worry, i'm fine" I squeezed his hand which was still in mine. He doesn't look like he believes me but what more can i do? I'm not lying. Andre opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by doctor Grande. Yeah, she's still here, i forgot about her too.  
"Maybe you should talk with our psychologist" What? What does she mean, i don't need that.  
"I don't think i'd be necessary" I gave doctor Grande one of my most convincing smiles, but you know how it is with doctors. They know better. She eyed me cautiously and scribbled something on her clipboard. What is she writing there all the time?  
"But I think it could help you. You are still in shock, and you may have a little problems with concentration and socializing. After all, almost week without contacts with people, without talking, may live you psychically unsteady." What? It sounds like i would become someone who can't interact with people. I'm not psychically unsteady.  
"In 99% chances, our patients feel better after conversation with one of ours psychologists. It's nothing bad, we also want to take care of your mental health"  
"But i don't need one" She can't force me to talk to anyone, so when i say i don't need help of one of those hospitals psychologists, then i don't. "My mental health doesn't need help, i didn't loose a leg, or both legs, i can move, i can talk, i didn't end up on wheelchair, so i 'm sure after my rib heals, everything will be just like it was before, i don't see a reason why i 'd need a psychologist" I don't know why it is such a big deal, okay i can agree with the fact that im not in the best condition, but hey i was hit by A CAR. My body hurts but its gonna stop after some time, and i don't need anyone to tell me that.  
"The driver needed one" I'm sure if i wasn't paying attention i wouldn't hear that sentence. And it caught me off guard because something in her tone of voice made me feel nervous. From the corner of my eye i could see Andre shifts in his seat uncomfortably, are they hiding something from me? I looked him in the eye but he just cleared his throat and averted his gaze. I arched my eyebrow at him. Weird.  
"Is there something i should know?" I asked but Andre doesn't look like he will give me an answer. I'm confused. "Doctor Grande? I asked a question" She looked at me briefly and then at Andre, but he was busy watching something on the floor, i rolled my eyes.  
"Your parents will be here soon, so i'm sure they will answer all of your questions. Right now i have to go check on the other patients" I opened my mouth to protest but she was already out of the door. Okay, it starts to piss me off, what's going on?  
"Andre, if you don't tell me right now what's wrong , i won't talk to you at all for the rest of my life" I'm not good in threatening people but i guess my facial expression is very convincing right now. Andre looked up from the floor and met my gaze, he sent my way one of his calming smiles, but it doesn't work this time. I clenched my jaw. "Andre...i swear.."  
"okay, okay, Tori relax.. it's just that...it's a little hard to say, but you know, you have nothing to worry about, it's okay now, we all know it was an accident.."  
"Andre! stop rambling and get to the point! seriously tell me, what could possibly be so hard to say? Do I know that person who was driving that car? Is he from Hollywood Arts? Something happend to him?"  
"Her..."  
"Excuse me?" I swear this guy starts to get on my nerves.  
"It was her, a girl.." Okay, so it was a girl, it doesn't change anything, i just thought boys are more like reckless drivers, but you know, after all it was me who didn't pay attention when walking across the street. So where's the big deal? Andre saw my clueless expression and sighed. "She really freaked out, like really, she thought she killed you and seriously i never saw her acting this way...she didn't understand that it was an accident, she doesn't saw you and in the next second, you were laying on the street in your own blood.." I guess it's not that weird that she freaked out, i mean, if it was me in her place, i 'd be one big walking mess. But Andre said that he never saw her acting this way, so he knows her right?  
"Do i know her?" i asked a little scared of the answer.  
"Yeah...it was..it was.. you know her pretty well...but please don't freak out.." He took a deep breath "It was Jade".


End file.
